We speak to Phil in a candid interview to find out more about his journey and how he kept managing to defy the odds and survive.
We look at where he’s developed and designed his life to date and just how was he able to create the life he loves now with his incredible family. You too can use these techniques for your health and well being.
Phil has heavily researched allopathic and naturopathic tools that have helped him over the years to create health, energy, vitality and a positive mental attitude that crosses over to all aspects of his life and career.
Q. So Phil, when you were first diagnosed at age 19, did you ever think that you’d be speaking to me at age 50 with 2 great children and a loving wife?
A.
Well Debs, yes to the first part of the question, no to the second.
I always believed, even as a teenager still in shock from getting a terminal prognosis that somehow I would survive well into the future, with every prospect that I would live a normal life span.
I had a vision of myself still here as an older man, doing what I was here to do (though I hadn't worked that aspect out exactly yet) and I never felt in my heart that cancer would be my cause of death. I had no medical basis to reach that conclusion - I guess you can call it 'bloke's intuition!?' So far so good anyway.
On the family front, as a younger man I was doubtful that I would ever meet someone I would marry and I was unconvinced that raising children would be an experience rewarding enough to justify the cost required in commitment and financial terms.
The kind of compatibility that's necessary to make for a lifetime relationship, particularly when you have a stubborn and quite uncompromising nature like I unfortunately do, is so rare. And children get a lot of bad press in some circles, with the picture received by non-parents being, you give birth to them, raise them with all you have, then end up with these ungrateful, vulgar and destructive beasts that are called teenagers. Not an appealing prospect.
Of course being sterilised in my 20s through chemotherapy meant if I ever changed my mind about children, there would need to be some planning done and alternative options considered.
Through my 20s and 30s I went through a lot of hard treatments with each recurrence or new cancer diagnosis, and I found a lot of my answers about how best to cope with these very trying times to maximise my survival chances. I read and researched, and then used myself as my own case study on what was helpful and what was not.
When I first met Gill I was quickly taken by her demure and kindly nature and her sense of humour. Also she looked great, being very pretty and voluptuous (i.e. my type). We were very compatible from the start - she could 'manage' me in ways that negated my negative traits and encouraged my good ones.
Shortly after Dad died, early 1997 and about 3 and a half years into my and Gill's relationship, I suddenly had this epiphany that Gill and I would and should be together for life. I did the (for me) unthinkable and proposed to her, in a traditional way, and it felt 100% right for me from that moment on. Now, almost to the day, it's 14 years after I went down on my knees and 17 years after our first date!
Children were still not in the plans, but after my lifetime 5th and 6th cancer battles in the mid-2000s, having been something of a corporate workaholic to that point, I made sea changes in my life. I needed to give myself time and space to align to my own values, and to really meet my needs. I wrote my first book Life, Happiness ... & Cancer, began my cancer patient support work and established myself as a life and leadership coach.
I appeared on a morning TV show to promote my book, and the producers contacted me asking if I wanted to audition for a weekly spot on the show as the resident Life Coach. I auditioned, they liked me, and there I was, speaking to the nation's morning viewers weekly on how to enhance their lives.
The joy and fulfilment in my life had improved immeasurably, which led me to ask Gill about her life. It was me who broached the question of children after many years where neither of us raised it. Gill's immediate response, quiet tears, gave me my answer. With some trepidation I set the wheels in motion for us to explore anonymous donor insemination through a fertility clinic.
When each of our boys was born, for me it was love at first site. Latent paternal instincts came to the fore immediately. I actually helped deliver both boys - had my own rubber catcher's mits and everything! While initially daunting, in reality it was a deep and touching experience for me, bonding me with the boys right from their first breaths.
So here I am, a 52-year-old man as at May 24 with 2- and a 3-year-old sons and I wife I adore, like and admire more and more by the year. I'm living with active disease via my lifetime 7th diagnosis, but have no current ill effects from the cancer.
So again, yes I believed I'd still be here now, and indeed here I am. And no, it's a complete but joyous surprise how family came into my life to enrich it beyond what I could ever have imagined.
Tune in as we follow Phil's ongoing story and how he overcame every one of those potentially lethal diagnoses. He will give you tips and tools that have helped him survive and thrive. Also his insights as to how cancer affects not just the recipient, but their family and friends.
If you have any questions that you'd like to ask Phil, then please comment and we'll put those questions to him.
You can buy Phils book 'Life Happiness,... and Cancer, survive with action and attitude' here http://www.steeleroberts.co.nz/books/isbn/1-877338-87-7
I'm proud to acknowledge Phil as my big brother and massive inspiration for my own life.
Deborah Kerslake
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