Whilst watching the Royal Wedding of William and Catherine on t.v. I was touched and amazed by how this happy event had united a country and in fact a world, with many millions of people watching from all over the globe - I felt very privileged to be living in London. The outpouring of love, affection and positivity was heart warming and made me feel very hopeful for our future.
The word that kept coming to my mind as I listened to the commentary was 'Inclusion', what I think they did so amazingly well (amongst so many other things) was to include and unite people, countries, religions and races. I believe that there was something for everyone.
I particularly loved The Right Reverend Dr. Richard Chartres, Lord Bishop of London's reading when he said. 'The more we give of self, the richer we become of soul, the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed'. He went onto say When a solemn decision is made by saying 'I WILL' you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving and which will lead to a creative future for the human race. We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril - human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely the power that has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge but rather by an increase in loving wisdom and reverence for life, for the earth and for one another.
My hope is that we will all be striving assiduously to embrace the virtues of love, acceptance, forgiveness, helpfulness, service and a positive attitude as an example to others.
With love
Dr. Deborah Kerslake
Saturday 30 April 2011
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Don't believe everything you think
As a psychotherapist many people come to me with what I call 'faulty thinking'. They tell me a story about themselves that has evolved in their minds over the course of time, that they now believe to be true.
It could have been added to by people in a position of authority who said something about them that was negative or a parent or close friend or loved one - basically someone who's opinion mattered to them. What can happen is that we may question our own values and motives in favour of the external person and if we take on board their opinion then we start to deviate from our own self to another self who is possibly more acceptable to those we love. It's a natural thing for people to do, we all want to fit it, belong somewhere, be loved. It's an essential state for us, however what can happen is that bit by bit, over a period of time, if we keep taking other people's opnions above our own, then we start to lose our own unique identify and adjust and adapt until we hardly recognise ourselves anymore.
This leads to a state of confusion and discontent. There is a part of us that knows and understands that this isn't US, it's a face that we show to the world to gain love and attention. It creates a disharmony within us. If we continue taking other peoples opinions above our own (especially if they are negative or critical) we can decend down a gloomy path towards anxiety, inability to make decisions (in case they are wrong) and ultimately depression. I've heard the phrase that depression is anger without enthusiasm and I don't wish to minimise the horrific effects that depression can have on us, however I'd like to give hope to people by suggesting that by starting to listen to and trust our own intituition and inner wisdom and by starting to recognise that other people's opinions of ourselves could have been wrong or certainly skewed by their own understanding, then we can start to climb back into our skins, into our authentic selves, back to calmness.
Ultimately our thinking is influenced by so many outside influences that we must acknowledge that our thoughts are just, well, thoughts - they are not necessarily right or correct or wrong or bad, they are simply thoughts and we have billions of them everyday. So please remember that what you are thinking of is mearly a combination of accumulated learnings along the way that you have believed. If these thoughts have led you to believe that you are not worthy or not acceptable or not a good person, then please challenge these thoughts instantly and energetically and keep challenging them until you realise that underneith all the changing and adapting that you've done over the years to feel acceptable, wanted and loved, is an amazing human being who is valuable and unique and an asset to the world. I'd like you to see that person, acknowledge that person and learn to love that person because it's YOU.
It could have been added to by people in a position of authority who said something about them that was negative or a parent or close friend or loved one - basically someone who's opinion mattered to them. What can happen is that we may question our own values and motives in favour of the external person and if we take on board their opinion then we start to deviate from our own self to another self who is possibly more acceptable to those we love. It's a natural thing for people to do, we all want to fit it, belong somewhere, be loved. It's an essential state for us, however what can happen is that bit by bit, over a period of time, if we keep taking other people's opnions above our own, then we start to lose our own unique identify and adjust and adapt until we hardly recognise ourselves anymore.
This leads to a state of confusion and discontent. There is a part of us that knows and understands that this isn't US, it's a face that we show to the world to gain love and attention. It creates a disharmony within us. If we continue taking other peoples opinions above our own (especially if they are negative or critical) we can decend down a gloomy path towards anxiety, inability to make decisions (in case they are wrong) and ultimately depression. I've heard the phrase that depression is anger without enthusiasm and I don't wish to minimise the horrific effects that depression can have on us, however I'd like to give hope to people by suggesting that by starting to listen to and trust our own intituition and inner wisdom and by starting to recognise that other people's opinions of ourselves could have been wrong or certainly skewed by their own understanding, then we can start to climb back into our skins, into our authentic selves, back to calmness.
Ultimately our thinking is influenced by so many outside influences that we must acknowledge that our thoughts are just, well, thoughts - they are not necessarily right or correct or wrong or bad, they are simply thoughts and we have billions of them everyday. So please remember that what you are thinking of is mearly a combination of accumulated learnings along the way that you have believed. If these thoughts have led you to believe that you are not worthy or not acceptable or not a good person, then please challenge these thoughts instantly and energetically and keep challenging them until you realise that underneith all the changing and adapting that you've done over the years to feel acceptable, wanted and loved, is an amazing human being who is valuable and unique and an asset to the world. I'd like you to see that person, acknowledge that person and learn to love that person because it's YOU.
Friday 22 April 2011
Focus on Solutions
When you focus on the problem not the solution, our minds get stuck and go round in circles, eventually the problem grows in our mind and seems bigger than ever.
A simple way to overcome this is to think about solutions, ask yourself 'how can I' - overcome this problem, get out of this situation, reach my goal.
The unconscious mind is a fantastic problem solver, it does this for us every day, so when we ask a question like 'how can I' it gives the unconscious mind a focus and we will notice ways out of the situation - options will float up to the conscious part of our mind and help us.
Focussing on solutions also helps us remain confidence in our abilities and feeling positive and optimistic about ourselves and our lives.
A simple way to overcome this is to think about solutions, ask yourself 'how can I' - overcome this problem, get out of this situation, reach my goal.
The unconscious mind is a fantastic problem solver, it does this for us every day, so when we ask a question like 'how can I' it gives the unconscious mind a focus and we will notice ways out of the situation - options will float up to the conscious part of our mind and help us.
Focussing on solutions also helps us remain confidence in our abilities and feeling positive and optimistic about ourselves and our lives.
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