As a psychotherapist many people come to me with what I call 'faulty thinking'. They tell me a story about themselves that has evolved in their minds over the course of time, that they now believe to be true.
It could have been added to by people in a position of authority who said something about them that was negative or a parent or close friend or loved one - basically someone who's opinion mattered to them. What can happen is that we may question our own values and motives in favour of the external person and if we take on board their opinion then we start to deviate from our own self to another self who is possibly more acceptable to those we love. It's a natural thing for people to do, we all want to fit it, belong somewhere, be loved. It's an essential state for us, however what can happen is that bit by bit, over a period of time, if we keep taking other people's opnions above our own, then we start to lose our own unique identify and adjust and adapt until we hardly recognise ourselves anymore.
This leads to a state of confusion and discontent. There is a part of us that knows and understands that this isn't US, it's a face that we show to the world to gain love and attention. It creates a disharmony within us. If we continue taking other peoples opinions above our own (especially if they are negative or critical) we can decend down a gloomy path towards anxiety, inability to make decisions (in case they are wrong) and ultimately depression. I've heard the phrase that depression is anger without enthusiasm and I don't wish to minimise the horrific effects that depression can have on us, however I'd like to give hope to people by suggesting that by starting to listen to and trust our own intituition and inner wisdom and by starting to recognise that other people's opinions of ourselves could have been wrong or certainly skewed by their own understanding, then we can start to climb back into our skins, into our authentic selves, back to calmness.
Ultimately our thinking is influenced by so many outside influences that we must acknowledge that our thoughts are just, well, thoughts - they are not necessarily right or correct or wrong or bad, they are simply thoughts and we have billions of them everyday. So please remember that what you are thinking of is mearly a combination of accumulated learnings along the way that you have believed. If these thoughts have led you to believe that you are not worthy or not acceptable or not a good person, then please challenge these thoughts instantly and energetically and keep challenging them until you realise that underneith all the changing and adapting that you've done over the years to feel acceptable, wanted and loved, is an amazing human being who is valuable and unique and an asset to the world. I'd like you to see that person, acknowledge that person and learn to love that person because it's YOU.
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